I remember the first day I realised that time only goes forward.

I was 8 or 9 at the time and the realisation seemed huge and scary. To be honest, it still feels huge and scary every time I think about it. At the time, it dawned on me that every single second that had passed would never come back and so for a month or two afterwards, I would close my eyes at intervals, trying as hard as I could to pause time. Lol, was I one weird kid or what?

Anyway, you definitely guessed right. Of course, that did not work. But at 19 I finally had my ‘Eureka’ moment! I figured out how to pause time!

I started journaling. I did not intend to. I just began to piece random thoughts together and put them down in a notebook. I wrote about my days, my friends, the things I loved and the woman I wanted to be.

I stopped writing four days after I turned 21.

Every once in a while, these days, I pick up that journal and flip through the pages. I read as that young teenager on the cusp of adulthood writes her heart out. Boy, did she love John Lennon! I sometimes cry as I flip through the bits of her story. I mostly laugh. She was sad on some days, bored on others but she was beautiful everyday.

Re-living life through her eyes, she shows me how to be 20 again.